The chemistry of a break up

mandinni 29 M

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The chemistry of a break up

Monday, April 26th, 2010

Nowadays people meet with so many ways. World starts to become more global and online dating services are growing up more and more…

Although I title this as “Chemistry” of a break up, what follows also has elements of mathematics, psychology and what not… Have seen quite a few of them now, some very close, but have somehow been able to see a kind of a pattern. May be I am right, may be I am wrong…

So its starts with the couple whom I would call X and Y. X is of the nature of I-want-to-live-my-life-my-way and Y is of the nature of I-will-do-anything-for-you. Of course X and Y do not know about this characteristic of theirs.

Stage 1: X, Y meet. Date. Talk to each other for long hours (Oh, telecom operator’s benefit the most here). X is all fida over Y. Y starts to think that X is the soulmate. They go out of the way to help each other. They go out of the way to spend moments with each other. And there are sacrifices made by both X and Y. This makes them believe that there could be nothing better than this relationship. It makes them believe that this is all we needed.

X forgets the characteristic and the way X is now is an ideal situation for Y. So things move on smoothly. The couple is happy and the dating story moves on like this for a couple of days, weeks, months and may be years as well…

Stage 2: The couple feels good in each others company. X does not mind being totally dedicated to Y. Thats X’s way of life right now. Y is under the impression that X will continue to stay like this. Life is rosy. No thorns attached… There are occasional disturbances here and there but love overwhelms them all.

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Stage 3: X and Y get separated for some time. X finds it difficult to shower the same love on Y. Y finds it odd as X does not behave the same way.

The Final Stage: This is when the actual characteristics come out. X goes on the “I-want-to-be-myself” and “you-be-yourself”. Y says that “I-like-to-live-for-you-and-expect-the-same-from-you”. And both of them have a difference in approach. All those sacrifices that they did for each other are now valued against other trivial things. Questions like “Why-should-I-do-something-for-Y?”. “Why-doesn’t-X-love-me-so-much?” and such stuff start cropping in their minds. Personal happiness becomes a major factor. There is an opportunity cost attached to each element that X or Y does with each other.

X starts to enjoy life sans Y, Y starts to live life with beautiful memories of the past. Y feels that X loves Y the same way as it was before. X starts to feel strained by the relationship as X cannot live an independent life.

And then comes what they dreaded the most…. BREAK UP!!!

But then if you see what was wrong… Well, the very first thing… Where they make promises to each other, build hopes, live lives that they don’t endorse just to keep the other happy. Well, all this feels good temporarily, but unfortunately its not sustainable. That is the fault!!!

PS: This post intentionally lacks attention to detail… to make the as generic as possible.

Tags: dating, dating services